Redneck Militia
Aliases: none Status: Minor
The armed rednecks guarding the weed field in the Ominous Forest. Confederate flag belt buckles, AR-15s, and strong opinions about Star Trek. Chuy kills all of them.
Composition
The text distinguishes two by build and dialogue. The fat one spots Chuy and calls him “that Chewbacca fella from that Star Trek movie,” floats a ransom scheme, and decides the Sasquatch “is gonna look good stuffed in my den” before raising his rifle. The skinny one argues the taxonomy (“Mork is that brown fuzzy alien from the planet Big Mac”) and backs his position with a raised AR-15: “I’m willing to bet a five-point-five-six round that I’m right.” The rest get no lines. All get no future.
Role in Volume 01
- Nature Sucks: Their only appearance. They emerge from the trees mid-smoke-session and conduct the entire Star Trek versus Star Wars versus Mork versus ALF dispute at gunpoint, which Chino adjudicates (“Chewbacca is from Star Wars, not Star Trek, mamones”) to no effect. The fat one’s raised rifle is the last straw: Chuy’s fist takes his head clean off his shoulders, and the forest erupts. The boys sprint. When they return war-painted, they find Chuy standing over the carnage with an AR-15 in each hand. Bodies, bullet casings, and “the remnants of a redneck militia” lie scattered across the clearing.
Notes
- Their weed field was Mr. Dealer’s competition. His verdict on the massacre: “For taking care of my competition,” accompanied by a mason jar of joints and a refunded twenty.
- “Bigfoot lives matter.”
Reference Art
Character reference art generated with AI.