Chad

Character reference art generated with AI.

Aliases: none Status: Minor

Chad is the man Chino is dead certain is sleeping with his girlfriend, “a tall handsome, dark haired, blue eyed, god. All muscles and swagger, like he owned the block,” right up until about thirty seconds of conversation reveal he’s gay, no rival, just a guy trying to deliver a birthday present. He takes the most aggressive misunderstanding of the volume with total, unbothered grace, and ends the night high-fiving the guy who tried to fight him.

Description

Everything about Chad reads like the cover of a romance novel Chino would hate: tall, handsome, dark hair, blue eyes, all muscles and swagger. His defining trait on the page is unflappability: confronted by a furious Homeboy demanding “heard you were fucking my boy’s girl,” his entire response is a blink and a scoff: “What?” … “That’s a load of shit. For one, I’m gay.” When Homeboy escalates to “Bullshit! Prove it. Suck my dick” and starts undoing his belt, Chad doesn’t get angry, doesn’t posture back, just throws his hands up: “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We’re in public.” He’s good-natured enough to prove the whole thing on the spot, “I’ll prove it. Let’s go to her house,” and gracious enough, hours later, to seal the madness with a reluctant high-five.

Role in Volume 01

Chad appears in Uncle Rob’s Time Portal and drives its entire second-half misunderstanding. Spotted across the street from King Taco with a gift-wrapped present, he’s instantly convicted in Chino’s mind: “Dude! It’s the motherfucker my guerita is fucking.” Homeboy crosses the street “like an angry thundercloud” and gets in his face; the belt starts coming undone, and the standoff only ends when Chino arrives demanding to know why the beatdown hasn’t started. The present, it turns out, is for Sarah Yazzie: it’s her birthday, a fact the time jump had scrambled for everyone (“Her birthday was yesterday?” … “Today is yesterday.”). The three march to Sarah’s house, where Chad hands over the gift with a soft kiss on the cheek while Sarah herself confirms the truth and laughs the accusation into confetti: “He is gay” … “You guys thought Chad and I were hooking up?” Cleared, Chad sticks around for wine and the ensuing chaos, and when Chino disappears into the bedroom with Sarah, he’s left standing with Homeboy in the sudden quiet: “So… what should we do?” “Not each other, that’s for sure.” He’s still there for the aftermath, which in this volume means getting spooned by a naked Homeboy Prime while Shanita curls around them both.

Relationships

• Sarah Yazzie: friend; the birthday present is the whole reason he’s in the story, and her laughing confirmation is what clears him.
• Chino: mistaken rival turned reconciled; Chino goes from wanting him beaten down to disappearing into a bedroom while Chad waits in the living room, no hard feelings evident on either side.
• Homeboy: accuser turned awkward cuddle; Homeboy goes from “I’m going to fuck him up” to high-fiving him over the orgy plan to spooning him unconscious.

Notes

• Memorable exchange: “Bullshit! Prove it. Suck my dick.” / “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We’re in public.”
• His unflappable good nature is the joke’s engine: every escalation slides off him, which only makes the accusers look worse.

Military Chronicles

Record not yet declassified.

Space Adventures

Record not yet declassified.