Cthulhu

Character reference art generated with AI.

Aliases: none Status: Major

An Intergalactic Authority officer with an octopus-like head and a sharp uniform, who processes the boys’ distributor licenses and interrogates Mr. Dealer. When Chino asks his name, he answers in a series of moist, multi-syllabic bubble sounds that Chino cheerfully fails to understand (“Órale… I didn’t understand any of that, homie”), so the boys name him Cthulhu and it sticks. He is a deadpan prankster: his idea of small talk is telling prisoners they are about to be incinerated, then laughing.

Role in Volume 02

• Mr. Dealer and the Intergalactic Authority: His only appearance. He enters the cell with his translator set to Atlantean and, after a chime, switches to perfect English (“I had my translator set to Atlantean. It’s been a few millennia since I’ve been stationed in this sector.”). He soundproofs Mr. Dealer’s cell mid-rant, then explains the boys are only here for possession and distribution (“For drug dealing?! That’s stupid. Who the hell would do something as moronic as try to control drugs?!”), tells Chino humans built the pyramids themselves (“We thought your species was pretty stupid… now we’re not as impressed and still think your species is pretty stupid”), and sends them off with visitor badges (“Try not to wander too much. There are species lurking about that find humans to be quite a delicacy” … “I’m just kidding. Go… have fun. Learn something.”). After Mr. Dealer’s loogie triggers a quarantine lockdown, Cthulhu tells the boys the captain has ordered all foreign materials sanitized (“So we’re going to have to incinerate the two of you” … “I’m only kidding”), collects their signatures, and frees them. He then interrogates Mr. Dealer about the unlicensed hybrid plants, asking for the star date of his last off-galaxy trip, whether he has traveled interdimensionally or through time, and finally whether he will consent to a full Intergalactic Authority inspection of his facility.

Notes

• His real name is a series of unpronounceable bubble sounds. “Cthulhu” is the name Chino gives him; the prose never identifies him as the mythological entity.
• The nameplate on his desk is written in elegant alien script the boys cannot read.
• He finds Mr. Dealer exhausting and says so: “That man has been so much trouble. I wish he was as cooperative as you two.”