Volume 02, Story 2
Chino and Homeboy are on the couch doing nothing with professional commitment when the UPS driver knocks. The package is a beat-to-shit pet carrier with a sealed envelope taped to the top. The letter reads: “Dear Chino and Homeboy, thanks for hooking us up at the concert. We owe you big time. So we’re giving you guys lifetime passes to our concerts and this Duende as a token of our appreciation. Stay lit and sweet dreams. Signed, El Cucuy.” A Duende. Homeboy’s eyes light up. The carrier bursts open and the Duende launches itself at Homeboy, licking his face. The collar tag reads DUENDE. “Duende… not very creative,” Chino mutters. “Let’s call him Loki.” The tag pulses with a faint glow and rewrites itself: LOKI. “Cool! That means it’s officially ours!”
Feeding negotiations follow. Duendes eat children, by Homeboy’s understanding, but Chino vetoes that on account of people getting mad, and veganism on account of spite. The answer is King Taco. Mary Jane delivers eight burritos and ten tacos, most of which Loki inhales before sprawling on the couch, genitals fully displayed, fast asleep. “This is unsat,” Chino declares. No Duende trainers exist, not even in the world, so they take him to Uncle Rob.
Uncle Rob’s mansion, which he calls his secret lair, opens onto a Man Cave that’s equal parts surveillance bunker and war room: screens of night-vision feeds, drone footage, and Mexicans working video-game controllers while Ghost reports over comms. Uncle Rob is mid-operation. “Fuck me stupid. It’s been a while,” he tells the boys. “Welcome back. Now get the fuck out, I’m busy.” Loki opens one eye from the stroller, locks onto Uncle Rob, and snaps his fingers with a tiny pop. Out back at the training area, Uncle Rob’s ears start twitching and stretching. His fingers shrink. His face pulls forward. He drops to all fours and finishes the transformation as a pissed-off Doberman with a grudge. Killian raises a brow. “Do you think we can keep him like this for a couple weeks?”
Jesus, Uncle Rob’s most trusted Mexican, takes one look at Loki and crosses himself frantically. “¡Ave María purísima!” He can’t help, but he knows somebody, and he calls. The somebody is Cesar Millan, who meets them in the Ominous Forest with a camera crew and delivers the diagnosis: “I don’t know how to tell you this, but that’s not a dog.” Loki aims devil horns at Cesar; Homeboy slaps his hand down. “No! No more cursing!” Cesar’s professional assessment: the problem is pack leadership. Neither Chino nor Homeboy will claim the job, so they debate it in circles while Chuy calmly walks over, takes the leash, unclips it, and growls something low and guttural. The tag on the leash glows, flickers, and rewrites itself: Rawr. Chuy walks into the Ominous Forest with Rawr trailing behind. “Uh… guys?” Mary Jane says. “Loki just left with Chuy.” Chino demands to know why Cesar didn’t say something. “I wasn’t going to interrupt the process.” Uncle Rob remains a dog. Killian comforts him: “Don’t worry, Uncle Rob, we’ll find a way out of that curse, but in the meantime… if you mess in the house, I’m putting you in the kennel.” Dog-Rob answers with a loud, pitiful whine.
Featuring Chino, Homeboy, Mary Jane, Killian, Uncle Rob, Loki, Rawr, Jesus, Cesar Millan, Chuy.
Read the full story in The Adventures of Chino & Homeboy, Volume 02